Uno! Dos...no wait. Uno! Uno!

Occasionally the topic of having a second child comes up in Casa de Cheeky.  We're not actively considering it--on the contrary, we're aggressively not considering it--but we know enough people who are that we periodically challenge our thinking on the topic. 

Unlike all those card-carrying members of the Cult of Parenthood, who consider 5 AM feedings and bouts of high-pitched hysteria among the Greatest Gifts God Could Give To Us, we like to think we have a more realistic perspective on the subject.  We absolutely positively love our daughter with a depth that's both intensely fulfilling and deliriously fun.  But we also acknowledge that she can be a royal pain in the keister to take care of. 

Now this makes us sound like a couple of whiners, which is a fairly accurate assessment.  Cheeky is about the best-behaved child I've ever seen (based on my scientific observation of every screaming kid in grocery stores, churches, and restaurants) and yet we're still moaning about how we never get time for ourselves, the apartment is always a mess, she always wants to be held, blah blah blah blah.  Yes, I know we're pathetic, and I feel like a first rate douche-bag every time one of those thoughts crosses my mind.  But that doesn't keep me from thinking it.

Imagine what we'd be like with two kids.

There's plenty of arguments in favor of the second child.  It would give her someone to play with.  The longer we wait the more dangerous it is for Oodgie.  We double our chances of someone visiting us at the nursing home on Easter.  But the thought of diving back into the maelstrom of having a newborn, with the added bonus of someone who doesn't understand why you can't smear mac and cheese in his/her face, absolutely petrifies us both. 

Then there's the thought of what a second child would be like.  There's indisputable evidence that my seed is of the highest quality.  But who knows if some bad oyster will infect the next batch.  We love Cheeky, but we can't actually have another Cheeky...she's an utterly unique human being that can't be replicated.  In fact, karmic balance dictates that since Cheeky is so perfect, our next child would be something out of the Book of Revelation.  It's like hitting it big in Vegas...if you don't walk away from the table, you'll bust by the end of the night. 

I maintain that, should we decide we need another child, our best bet is to adopt one that's already been ripened.  Being politically incorrect, we've code-named this theoretical adoptee "Pong."  Pong also has the benefit of not passing through my wife's birth canal, and, at least in my mind, would have absolutely no baggage whatsoever about growing up in someone else's home.  Oh, and he/she would be a good cook, too.  Why not?  It's my imagination...

Maybe it's just that we're still so new at this that we can't imagine repeating the process.  We've been sleeping through the night for months, and would HATE to give that up.  Or maybe we're incredibly selfish.  After all, there's that tiny little crevasse in our tattered psyches that still holds onto dreams of spontaneity and convenience, neither of which have been spotted in our neighborhood in months.  The fact is that, unlike every single one of our friends, we don't feel the urge or need to have another child.  For them, it's a foregone conclusion that they'll have another, while we stare mystified at the predetermination of it all.  It actually makes us wonder if there's something a little "off" about us, like we're missing some gene that the rest of humanity has.

It's not that we aren't going to have a kid, it's just that we haven't decided yet.  I'm completely fine with that.  But it freaks me out that it's so easy (and apparently obvious) to everyone else.  A bunch of you must have gone through this...what was it like for you?

Comments

[Sarah]

Well, I'm not really the one you want to hear from on this, because I technically wasn't actually given a choice. Mine were a package deal. But we always planned on having two.

That being said, I would hate to be pregnant again.

And that being said, I know that most pregnancies aren't that bad.

I think adoption is a great option. It provides a home for a child that needs one, but I'd imagine it's not cheap.

[Melissa]

We always knew we wanted more. In fact, we are freaks who want four. But I will tell you, I didn't really want to think about having a second one until Maya was 18 months. When she became a full fledged toddler was about the time I started wanting a second. Maybe it is too early. I mean Cheeky isn't even walking yet. Give it time. I am with Sarah, adopting is great if you decide to go that route. On the other hand, if you decide one is it, there is nothing wrong with that either. Not everyone has to have two kids. Either way, please don't call any kid Pong. Ok? Thanks. ;)

[WCG]

Didn't you feel the same way before beautiful, wonderful, adorable, brilliant, Chloe came along? If you wait too long, the mix might really be changed. (I can think of an example, here.) Having a "playmate" is a definite advantage. But, no pressure.

[p-man]

Mo and I had not considered the name before, but now that you've mentioned it, PONG is a late-coming (3 weeks to go) but fully qualified entrant in the baby #2-naming- sweepstakes. I cannot answer any of the deep questions you have regarding re-reproducing. My plan, such as it was, ended at conception.

Have you considered cloning?

[mo-wo]

can someone pulleez shut him up... PONG IS OUT!

We went through it and I was an adamant only-child advocate... then I was introduced to my good friend 'natural child spacing' and you know there is a lot going for having more than one. But yep I get pretty astonished that children are treated as some package deal; ever since the time share in Rio I am highly suspicious of anything sold as a package 'deal'

[bluepaintred]

um, lets see, i have 3 boys, the first and last were NOT planned

i like em fine anyway

nuff said

[Peter]

The first thought that came to mind when I found out Heidi was pregnant with David aka "Wrongside" was F@#K! Not again.

Thats how it went too. After having Merry, a perfect little dear that would sleep through the night and entertain herself David was and remains relentlessly demanding.

Oh double F#$k!, was my response when I found out about the third. Thomas has been as easy as his sister.

Immediately after Thomas I got fixed. No more suprises for me.

From where I stand more is better, it opened my eyes to possibillities I did not recognize when I was a Dad to only one.

[dear wife]

Well I am still pregnant with my first, so I hold no personal exsperience. I made a promise to my best friend (who is an only child) that I never would have only one and our plan is two. If this one turns out to be two, I guess that's it. I think ou still have plenty of time. My mother waited till my brother was five before having me. And all that stuff about spacing does not always hold true. Me and my brother got along well. I plan on not having my secound until the first is out of diapers.

[WCG]

We were just thinking how lonely we would have been these last 10 or so years, if we had had only one child. No pressure, really.

[Crunchy Carpets]

You are right...if the first one is perfect...the next one will be the total opposite.

We got sucked in..."gee this parenting thing is a breeze! What where all those negative nellies talking about?"

I will tell you!!

The next one will do all the things the first one didn't!

While I adore my daughter...at two she is a freaking psycho!

And two exponentially adds to the chaos and lack of sleep and work and so on and so on.

The rewards grow too....but your life will never be the same again!

And yet, we are planning no. 3!

or a dog.

[Lori]

We had decided on our dear daughter being an only child... you can see where this is going... We decided that after christmas the husband would go and get snipped. My daughter's first birthday was December 20. I found out I was pregnant December 29th. My kids are exactly 20 months apart. Stressful? OHMYGOD. Would I do it differently? Never. I did make sure during my c-section that my tubes were securely tied. It is stressful but wonderful if that makes any sense. They are close enough to love and hate each other equally and they do tend to occupy each other. Good luck on your decision making..... and because you wrote this, she is probably already pregnant! :)

[Chris]

I love the fact that you mentioned this when you did. Beth and I were just having a very similar conversation about the possibility of a second. Neither of us could imagine that right now. We're so totally fixated on Mia!

[freezio]

We've always talked about having two, but we weren't ready for another until The Voice was almost three years old. I think it was good for everybody: TV got some time to be the special only guy, and yet isn't too much older than his new sister (who he says is his favorite person in the world), and we got a break for a while. kind of.

If you have another, wait a while.

[Genuine]

I soooooo had a crush on Liz Montgomery!

How about I share some of mine with you?

[Sheryl]

Each time you have a child your freedom (which you think is non-existent now) decreases by a factor of 5 (not to mention your disposable income). If you can handle that, as a mom of 3 I say go for it.

[WestCoastBrother2]

Don't rush it man and ABSOLUTLY DO NOT give in to pressure to do so. There is nothing selfish about waiting to have another child after you have just had your first.

Give yourself a chance to fully absorb being a parent and enjoy it.

[andrea]

After our first was born, I wanted 4. I loved being pregnant, loved the babies. We now have 2 and our 2nd is different from the 1st, but she's not like a monster. I don't buy into that whole theory that if Baby #1 is a breeze, then it logically follows that #2 will be the Anti Christ. I am an only child, and it has it's pros and cons., but I remember feeling alone a lot of the time. That being said, if you really don't want a second right away, then just wait. The adoption process can take a very long time, so it may be a moot point.