The time had come. Twenty hours in a maternity ward that felt like a Vietnamese prison camp during monsoon season. Sleeping in a chair that used to torture criminals, while Oodgie had more wire coming out her than the server farm at Google. Good times.
But the best was yet to come..... TO BE CONTINUED
Today marks a dubious special occasion, in that one year ago today I began this blog. At the time, the intent was to keep friends and family up to date about Cheeky's impending arrival and her procrastination in getting here. I figured I'd have about 3-4 months of interesting things to say before I peetered out and folded up the tent. As it turns out, I was right about the 3-4 months, but here I am still chugging along, hoping I don't turn into some Isaac Asimov wannabe lamely recycling once fresh-ideas into something that makes Jewel's poetry sound like Emily Dickinson.
The best--and most surprising--thing about doing this has been all the great people I've come to think of as friends over the last year through this blog. While simultaneously offending, boring, or scaring off most of my early readers (i.e. friends and family) I've gained a few new pals in the process, many of whom I now regularly follow on their own blogs. In fact, if you're not reading everybody on my blogroll to the right, you're (a) missing out on some great writers, thoughtful and touching stories, and really funny cats, and (b) pursuing more active and fulfilling hobbies in your spare time than I am.
Before I embark on Year Two of this blog, I thought it would be fun to go back to the beginning and relive Countdown to Cheeky 2005. For the next week I'll link us back to those thrilling days of yesteryear, when Oodgie was the size of a Volkswagon and two prospective parents were utterly convinced she'd be a boy.
So without further ado, here's where it all began: July 5, 2005
The Baby Formerly Known as Cheeky has been named! No, it's not an unintelligible symbol, although that was tempting. Her name is Chloe Belle Weber, and 24 hours after travelling the birth canal she's doing well. Her head no longer looks like a Drac from "Enemy Mine," and she's already mastered one valuable facial expression. Aside from that she specializes in snorting and eating her own fist. A promising start!
Mommy and Chloe come home from the hospital tomorrow, which is good because their room....what's the word I'm looking for....sucks. Claudia's roommate was a clone of Janice from "Friends," and pouring Elmer's Glue on the food would dramatically improve the flavor. In the mean time, I'll be hiring a mechanical engineering grad student to install our car seat, and enjoying the last few minutes of solitude I'll have for the next 17 years. By that time, I expect Chloe to look like this.
Thanks for all the kind e-mails over the last few days! Check out the photo album for more pictures from today...
At 5:07 PM on Tuesday, July 12, after much huffing and puffing, Claudia gave birth to a healthy baby girl! She's between names right now, since we were convinced we were having a boy, and didn't seriously consider deciding on a name if it wasn't. We think we've got it narrowed down, but will decide officially tomorrow. Both Mommy and daughter are doing well, although I can say with some certainty that Mommy is reeeeeeeeaalllly tired.
Claudia's doctor decided on Monday that it was time to induce, and before we knew it we were scheduled to go in that night to begin the "loosening" process. We rushed off to NYU Medical Center, where she was promptly hooked up to the machine that goes "PING" and left to sweat in a room which, based on its temperature, was also probably used to bake ceramics. After a night of staring miserably at the ceiling, they began to induce her at around 7 AM.
Grandma joined us in the morning, and we spent a few hours trying to ignore pain and boredom and answer the all-important question of why Tony Danza has a talk show. Once the contractions really started going (and once the sweet, sweet nectar of the epidural took effect) things went pretty well! We had an awesome nurse who kept us sane, and awarded Claudia the "Cervix of the Day" award for performance above and beyond the call of induced duty. After a few burst blood vessels in the skull, and preceded by "all manner of ungodly things", the Baby Formally Known as Cheeky left it's posh, climate-controlled digs to take her chances in the Big World.
Mom and Dad are ready .
We're heading to the hospital! Betcha didn't see that coming...we sure didn't. More soon! Wish Claudia luck!
As expected (and dreaded) it was an uneventful weekend for Cheeky. The little guy/gal is tenaciously holding onto whatever it can inside Claudia, and has no interest in moving, despite threats to buy a trampoline or a centrifuge. That hasn't, however, kept Kung Fu Baby from doing calisthenics in the evening and generally keeping Mommy up all night...
So to avoid the slow-burn insanity that characterized Friday,
we agreed to get out of the house and try to "walk Cheeky out". The first trip out was a quest for Mr. Softee, the omnipresent ice-cream trucks which have tempted Claudia with their chocolate-dipped soft-serve since July 4th. Of course, the ONE TIME they aren't by the Promenade near Montague street was the one time we were motivated to look for them, so we had to "settle" for some Haagen-Dasz. Damn you, Mr. Softee....damn you all to hell!
We trekked out later that evening for a movie and a bite to eat on the Lower East Side. Claudia inexplicably has no desire to see Revenge of the Sith with me for the third time, so we went to see Howl's Moving Castle. Great film, very imaginative, and it kept Kung Fu Baby quiet for two hours. After 30 minutes wandering the too-hip streets of the neighborhood, we ended up at Grilled Cheese NYC, which is exactly what it sounds like. Since anything can be improved by melting cheese on it, this turned out to be an awesome, vein-clogging choice. God help me if this kid turns out to be lactose intolerant...I'll probably kill myself.
We opted to spend Sunday in the climate-controlled American Museum of Natural History, where I convinced Claudia to see the new dinosaur exhibit with me. While Claudia was pretending to be interested, and while little kids were literally smacking their heads into her belly, I was learning some very interesting things about dinosaur biomechanics. Apparently, they've recently determined that a large animal like Tyrannosaurus Rex probably did not move quickly, as it's often depicted in movies. The stresses on the bones, muscles, and tendons of the legs would be too much for a creature of that size and weight, and it was probably more of a lumbering beast. A similar argument can be used to explain Claudia's recent movement, as seen in this untouched photograph. (View this photo)
Tomorrow Claudia heads to the doctor again, where she swears she will chain herself to the reception desk without either a specific baby-removal plan or some incredibly gnarly medication. As always, we'll keep you posted if anything changes!
I have to offer a special thanks to my colleagues, who surprised me yesterday with drinks at Bliss and some gifts for Cheeky. It was very generous! Among the gifts was something I had seen at Todd & Ilina's house in May, and we were warned about due to it's lack of an "off" button. It's called the Leap Frog Learning Drum, and it's designed to introduce the alphabet and counting. It also falls under that wonderfully broad category which I've targetted when buying gifts for my friends in the past -- toys that make lots of noise. We have, however, located what appears to be an "off" switch (maybe we got the newer model) but that probably won't stop Cheeky from becoming the next John "Stumpy" Pepys, Eric "Stumpy Joe" Childs, or Peter "James" Bond.
Meanwhile those little drummer arms are still growing inside Mommy's belly. Claudia has taken to sitting in front of a typewriter endlessly repeating "all work and no play makes Claud a dull girl....all work and no play makes Claud a dull girl..." Yesterday's all day rain festival has given way to decent skies, so we hope to waddle out of the house for a much needed diversion later. Thanks for all the suggestions for inducing labor, by the way, and if you're lucky you may see us at the trapeze school this afternoon.
Now that we've been given a few extra days (or so we think, unless Cheeky decides to surprise us) we're being forced to deal with some things that we've been putting off.
The lease on our car is up at the end of this month, and the prospect of sitting in a dealership negotiating with Jerry Lundegaard days after childbirth isn't very appealing. We're working ourselves into a lather about the whole thing since all our options cost money (yeah capitalism!), which we've been hemorrhaging lately. To complicate things, our dishwasher just started making noises like it was chewing and digesting our silverwear. Oh, and there's this BABY coming, which has no parts-and-labor warranty on it.
I do, however, have some ideas as to how to cover these costs. Since Cheeky still doesn't have an official name yet, we could sell naming rights to the child. It would certainly help our decision-making if Frito Lay or Ameritrade paid us to name and label him/her. Another option is to take bets against the spread on the eventual birthdate (Vegas has Cheeky at +7 over the doctors ... any takers?) We'd have to relocate to the Cayman Islands to make that legal, of course, but I'd make that sacrifice for my children's education.
We'll eventually sort all this out, but it's nice to have something to stress about besides parenting. We're still taking suggestions for labor-inducing home remedies, so please feel free to share your thoughts!
It's now been three days since the official due date, and this morning we went to the doctor for a routine check-up. I went along for "moral support", which turned out to be sitting in a waiting room for 30 minutes reading Outdoor magazine while the A/C blew air piped in from Greenland directly on me at 20 knots. After being felt and poked for a few minutes, Claudia reported that nothing is happening. With the cervical opening the size of a single Grape Nut, there's no risk of us having a baby just yet.
So we get to wait a while longer. Next week they'll start talking about options that aren't "natural", but in the meantime the summation of the doctor's advice is "don't fall". I'm considering phoning Dr. Nick Riviera for an alternate diagnosis.
Wish Claudia luck, since she LOVES being pregnant SO MUCH and REALLY wants it to last AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.
Another day, and no news. The jumping jacks aren't working, although they are funny to watch.
In the meantime, Claudia has been enjoying the dulcet sounds of jackhammers on the roof of our building, and the sultry high you get when inhaling air that is so humid your hair sweats. Fun fun fun!
She's doing great, though. If it were me, I'd be complaining constantly, and would have been driving one of the motorized carts around and yelling at pedestrians for the last three months instead of walking to yoga classes. Here's a sample: Power Chairs for the Morbidly Obese
We'll be seeing the doctor tomorrow (and by "we" I mean "she") and hope to get a more clear launch strategy for our new product. Stay tuned!
