Hydro-Avoidance Syndrome

There are many things I don't understand about my child.

I don't understand why she insists on going outside during monsoon season, but when the sun is out for the first time in two months she wants to lock us all inside for a Zingo marathon.

I don't understand why her tongue can't pronounce L's or SP's in words.

I don't understand why she hates chocolate.

I don't understand why she only poops every three days.

But most of all I don't understand why she treats bathwater like it's acid.

Some couples compete for the affection of their children or the remote control on Thursday nights.  We compete to see who can avoid giving Cheeky a bath.

I'm no expert, but I thought kids loved the tub.  You've got toys!  You've got bubbles!  You can splash!  You can float upside down until you parents freak out!  What's not to love?

The tub-givin' process must be started early in our home, as there are multiple phases through which one must methodically progress to reach the Altar of Desoilification.  These phases include:

• Reality Manipulation, in which Cheeky declares certain facts to be self-evident, even though scientific evidence contradicts them.  Examples:  "No, I'm not dirty!" "It's not bed time!"  "That's not Daddy!"  "The world is flat and is supported by four elephants standing on the back of a giant turtle!"  "Mission Accomplished!"
• Acute Stress Response, in which Cheeky uses a combination of maneuvers to evade and escape us, presumably in hopes of wearing us out so we collapse and she can go back to Little Bear.
• Tympanic Overload, in which Cheeky manipulates her larynx to emit heretofore unknown screeches and wails to call social services, emergency medical personnel, or perhaps Hawkman or her mothership to come to her aid.

What's particularly aggravating is that once she's in the tub it's like it's the GREATEST PLACE EVER and she doesn't want to leave.  She can remember us promising her candy hours after we thought she'd moved on...I KNOW she remembers that baths can be fun.

There.  I think I've spent enough time typing up this post.  By now it should take just enough time to get home so that Oodgie has to give Cheeky her bath.   MWAH HA HAAAA! 

Employment does have it's advantages. ...

Comments

[Jeremy (Discovering Dad)]

Our son Ty is the same way - he will fight to get into the tub or shower, and once he's there he'll fight to stay. Doesn't make any sense!

[ilinap]

How about a shower instead? My boys love a shower. They show off their kung fu kicks, dance moves, and super hero stances. Plus, it saves water and time. I cannot imagine not wanting to be clean.

AND WTF, she doesn't like chocolate?!

[~JJ!]

THAT is MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!

I don't get it. It makes me crazy.

We started showers now. Holy hell.

She acts like I'm trying to shove her into the spray pits of fiery hell...then try taking her out. Lordy lordy.

And even though I'm not in the shower with her...That's a whole 'nother story...(Let's just say she gets waaaay to much of a kick outta my body parts) I'm still soaked at the end of it all.

Thank you for writing this.

[DeeDee]

That was hilarious! It has to be a girl thing when it comes to baths. My little guy begs for bath time. He dives in like a lunatic and wants to slide down the back end of the tub. I think he truly loves to take a bath just so he can soak the giver with ice cold water when they are distracted and their back is turned. I told my husband he never should have put a TV in the bathroom!!
In case you didn’t know, I found your blog through DadGoneMad. I've posted a complete list of everyone who left their blog link on his Big Big Stars post a while back in a post of my own in April called Blog Rolling With My Homies over on my blog, so if you want to see it come on over and sit a spell. I don't bite..…that hard anyway!

If you did know just overlook this and pretend I said something funny since my brain feels like mush from trying to comment on all 217 on the list because somebody had the bright idea to challenge me to it!!

[Whit]

Baths are overrated.

[Chris]

In my family it's not my 3 year old who hates taking a bath. It's my teenagers that need cajoling or threatening to have them take a bath. Oh yeah, for my 3 year old brushing your teeth is the best thing since The Good Night Show, but for my teenagers, brushing your teeth is like the plague of death. Go Figure!

[the weirdgirl]

I think it's the age. Chance hated the bath for a while, got over it, and now occasionally freaks out. We lure him in with those little capsules that dissolve in warm water and turn into a foam animal of some kind. The magic! The suspense! (You can get them at Walgreen's.)

Nothing like staring intently at a brightly colored pill to distract your child from realizing they're getting clean.