I'm obviously a huge movie buff. In addition to obsessively quoting them and challenging anyone foolish enough to think they can top me at movie trivia, I also follow the weekend box office (cringing every time Nicholas Cage or Adam Sandler gets a #1 movie) and, of course, religiously watch the Oscars.
It's the only award show I can think of that actually does a passable job of honoring the best of the business (unlike, say, the Grammies) and get pumped up when my favorite movies win. Sure, I'm a little bummed that my three favorite films from last year didn't get a Best Picture nod, but I have to acknowledge that maybe two hours of battle-porn isn't for everyone. This could be the last year that my movie watching isn't dominated by crap like Alvin & the Chipmunks or The Game Plan, so I'd better milk this for whatever I can.
So tonight I'll TRY to live-blog the ceremony. By the end I'll probably want to put a gun to my head (and the longer I have to listen to Regis interview blow-hard movie stars that may happen sooner) but hopefully Jon Stewart will keep me sane. No promises, though...if it gets too long or too smug I may call it quits early. Here we go:
8:21 - Holy god, how long does the damn red carpet ceremony last? This is excruciating! Why do I care if Hillary Swank is wearing Versace? I may have to start drinking right now.
8:33 - Viggo Mortenson looks like Chewbacca
8:40 - Gaydolf Titler. Heh. The asteroid joke was better, though
8:41 - We're starting with costumes? Zzzzzzzz.
8:52 - Why does Anne Hathaway's nose look like a ostrich beak straight on? Is that an optical illusion?
8:59 - Why the fuck does Enchanted have three songs nominated? Did no one see Into the Wild? Those Disney songs are such treacle I want to wretch. I'd take the Transformers soundtrack over that crap in a heartbeat.
9:11 - I usually try to predict the Oscars on Dadcentric, but I never got around to it this year. I was too busy posting videos of animals cursing instead. I've got to admit, though, that I've been dead wrong on almost all of my predictions so far.
9:18 - Javier Bardem. Swish. Thank god, too, because if he hadn't won he'd have eliminated the competition with a compressed-air gun.
9:31 - Remember when they inserted Beavis & Butthead into the Academy Awards? That was funnier than Jerry Seinfeld's bee cameo. A lot funnier. And I don't remember laughing. How stupid do they think we are? By the way, how far back do they stick the guys who are nominated for this? I think the winners had to walk around some popcorn vendors to get to the stage.
9:38 - I thought Tilda Swinton should have been nominated for Narnia. Michael Clayton was awesome, too...good for her!
9:44 - How much fun do you think Jessica Alba had at the Scientific/Technical Awards after-party? I'll bet lots of guys asked her to sign their Dark Angel figurines.
9:48 - Oodgie is bored out of her mind...she just bailed. I've got to admit, so am I.
10:03 - Sound editing. Uh, what? At least I liked the Bourne Ultimatum. It totally rocked...if you haven't seen it, rent it now. Seriously, right now...it's probably more entertaining than this.
10:06 - Dude, they just showed a clip with the scorpion Transformer. They need an award for the most bad-assed monster-thing of the year. That would totally win.
10:12 - Man, my predictions SUCKED tonight. Marion Cotillard? Never saw that coming. Then again I didn't see La Vie en Rose. And neither did you, admit it. It made less money than Pathfinder: Legend of the Ghost Warrior.
10:18 - If the song from Once doesn't win this award I'm going to puke. Such a good movie...soundtrack of the year, in my opinion. On a side note, doesn't that guy look like Dr. Cox?
10:27 - Could Renee Zellweger be the squintiest person alive?
10:31 - Hey, Nicole Kidman, I haven't seen that much bling since Mr. T.
10:44 - I love how they say, "This is the second award...for Austria" As if the whole country got together with a bunch of camcorders to make it.
10:48 - Oodgie was begging me to make that last song from Enchanted stop. It went on about 4 minutes too long.
10:49 - BTW, I used to like John Travolta. Now I just want him to trip and fall head-first into a bear trap.
10:52 - Yeah! Once! And kudos to Stewart for letting the girl come back out to say thanks.
11:01 - It's obituary time. Let's see who bums me out the most. Yep, Heath Ledger. No surprise there.
11:11 - For my money, I still think Tom Hanks peaked during the second season of Bosom Buddies.
11:23 - When the hell is Harrison Ford going to get his Oscar? Come ON! As for the award, I'm pulling hard for Juno.
11:25 - Ok, that's like the third one I've got right tonight.
11:34 - "Did you see what his wife was wearing?" Oodgie asks. Daniel Day Lewis' date does have something rather...unique on. Hey, she's there with DDL...she can wear bright red ribbon-straps and a plastic spaceship brooch if she wants.
11:38 - Definitely ready for this to end. This is paced like a drive across Wyoming.
11:44 - Finally, the guys who brought you Fargo and the Big Lebowski get their due. Now I can go to bed.
That's it (thankfully). Next year I'll read someone else's blog. Hope you all won your Oscar pools, 'cause I sure look like a moron right now.
I'm checking out your blog. Very nice. I am 2-1 predicting so far. (Not hard.) I had Blood winning adapted script, not No Country. Oh well.
Posted by: Movie Mensh | February 24, 2008 at 10:06 PM
I called Cate Blanchett for Best Actress. Let's see.
Posted by: Movie Mensh | February 24, 2008 at 10:10 PM
Just saw Julie Christie in the Go-Between. Great.
Posted by: Movie Mensh | February 24, 2008 at 10:11 PM
Total upset on Marion Cotillard. Very nice.
Posted by: Movie Mensh | February 24, 2008 at 10:13 PM
Once was great. I saw Pathfinder but that French actress is hotter.
Posted by: whit | February 24, 2008 at 10:23 PM
I haven't seen Once. I called Bourne for editing. Let's see
Posted by: Movie Mensh | February 24, 2008 at 10:29 PM
Although with Bourne, it's more Greengrass's crazy camera not the cutting, right?
Posted by: Movie Mensh | February 24, 2008 at 10:30 PM
I never got, and I'll never get Renee. I'm sure she's a fine person. But but but but...
Posted by: Movie Mensh | February 24, 2008 at 10:31 PM
This is a great honorary Oscar. Isn't production design and casting EVERYTHING?
Posted by: Movie Mensh | February 24, 2008 at 10:33 PM
I called Katyn for best foreign.
Posted by: Movie Mensh | February 24, 2008 at 10:42 PM
Wow. I was sure Wajda would get it. I know nothing about this one. Must check it out. My predictions are kind of punky.
Posted by: Movie Mensh | February 24, 2008 at 10:44 PM
I actually forgot it was on until, like 10:30. That song IS amazing. Thanks for the link!
I think we should have a sweeping cinematic obituary reel for people with ordinary jobs. Sure, movie makers and actors touch many lives, but so do nurses, garbage men, and chamber maids. The reel would be less glamorous, but frankly, our world would be less glamorous without people like them.
Posted by: Kara | February 25, 2008 at 09:42 AM
Kara, do you even know the name of your chamber maid?
Posted by: croutonboy | February 25, 2008 at 10:41 AM
Hey, I saw La Vie En Rose, and Marion Cotillard totally earned that naked statue. Sadly, I saw Enchanted with my kids. Luckily they sold beer at the theater, so that plus Patrick Dempsey it made it tolerable.
Posted by: Sparky | February 25, 2008 at 01:34 PM
I can't believe I just sat through the DVR version of the Oscars (fast forwarded of course) when I could have read your blog instead! I couldn't very well miss The Wire last night--even if it WAS the Oscars!
Observations--Once TOTALLY deserved to win best song. That song has been inexplicably making me cry every time I hear it for the better part of a year and I have never seen the movie. Also, did you notice in the death montage that they didn't include Brad Renfro? That was kind of rude.
Posted by: Misfit Hausfrau | February 25, 2008 at 10:46 PM
I can't believe I just sat through the DVR version of the Oscars (fast forwarded of course) when I could have read your blog instead! I couldn't very well miss The Wire last night--even if it WAS the Oscars!
Observations--Once TOTALLY deserved to win best song. That song has been inexplicably making me cry every time I hear it for the better part of a year and I have never seen the movie. Also, did you notice in the death montage that they didn't include Brad Renfro? That was kind of rude.
Posted by: Misfit Hausfrau | February 25, 2008 at 10:47 PM
We won our Oscar Party Pool without having seen any of the nominated films.
He who controls the spice controls the Universe, muthaf*ckas.
Posted by: Jason | February 25, 2008 at 11:09 PM
You know.........I like Nicholas Cage.
Posted by: WCB2 | February 26, 2008 at 09:01 PM
Your Austria line just made me snort.
And I'm glad I'm not the only one who caught the sheer retardedness (is that a word? redardedocity?) of the bee cameo. Gong.
Posted by: Mom101 | March 03, 2008 at 05:38 PM