On the Internet, Nobody Knows You're a Dog

Not long ago I was speaking with a blogger friend who has a secret identity.

He has a day job.

As it turns out, he writes for a very well-read publication.  His opinions are read by millions of people.  People make purchase decisions based on what he tells them.

But you wouldn't know it from his blog.  And that's by design.

Anonymity has it's advantages. 

It's hard to talk about the incompetents you work with--with their awkward social skills and comically silly mustaches--if you think they might read about it someday.

It's worrisome to talk about your child's favorite playground when some sicko might triangulate the location and show up in a fishnet shirt to do "pull-ups" on the monkey bars.

I made a decision early on to share my blog with everyone I knew; half my comments in the first few months were from my family and colleagues.  But I sometimes regret that decision, because I censor myself to protect people's feelings or avoid topics that I know are sensitive.  No one is asking me to...I just feel like I should.

It's ironic that the better people know me, the less I can be myself.

It's not like my blog persona is some fictional creation.  I openly share my feelings about religion, politics, and culture, and you don't have to drive the Mystery Machine to figure out my name, where I live, and how much cheese I consume daily (I'll save you the effort:  9.5 lbs).   I don't lose any sleep over what I write, unless I don't get the sweet, sweet validation of your comments.

But there are times I wish I was just a little more anonymous.

So how about you?  How secret do you keep your identity?  Do you ever hold back out of fear of being dooced?  Do you even think about it?

Comments

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I'm pretty much just me.

There are things I DON'T say because they involve people that read me. I can see where anonymity would be freeing.

[f.]

Yes! The fear of getting dooced or stalked definitely censors certain items that I write about in my blog.

When I started writing, it was to let friends and family know about our round-the-world travels, let them know that we are OK. However, early on we decided to post a few cities behind, just for our security.

I also consciously found myself trying to keep a positive, upbeat tone, for fear of reprisals. Paranoid? Sure. Honest? Maybe. In the end, this fit my personality, where I consciously try to edit out "negative" thoughts.

Now that I am done travelling, my blog has morphed into settling down in NY, having a kid, etc. Doocing and stalking are now more prominently in my mind.

As for your site: I don't think that your blog persona is confusing. After all, we all have different personas when at work, at the gym, hanging out with buddies. It doesn't make us less "real" just because we act and speak differently within each different context.

-

Apropos to nothing: Can you believe DREW CAREY is Bob Barker's replacement on TPIR? And, boy, honey roasted peanuts are addictive!

[Hygiene Dad]

I gave up on being subtle because I'm a huge blabber mouth. I was told by my partner no last names or home phone number. That seemed fair enough.

[whit]

I have every reason to believe I will soon be hugely famous. Therefore, I've saved everyone the trouble and outed every personal detail of my life and the lives around me.

I sleep well (with an alarm, two dogs and a shotgun).

[Arwen]

my bossreads my blog. really makes being snarky abou corporate america more challenging.

Considering I do a large amount of actual blogging AT work, I try to limit the connections where I can. Very few people I know IRL know about my site. I don't bitch about work online (esp since I have the COOLEST BOSS EVAH anyway)

I'm likely more honest than is necessary, and I do worry about some of the things I write, but at the same time, it's nothing I wouldn't say if asked.

It's a fine line. basically, it's like a personal life-I don't want work all up in it.

[ANP]

Nietzsche once wrote that the seal of liberation is to never be ashamed in front of oneself. I think it's important to challenge people's narrow ideas about most aspects of life, so I don't keep my blog a secret. That said, I make it difficult for people who are googling my name to find my blog, but they'll find much more deeply personal stuff as well.

I am not interested in apologizing for the complexity of me simply because a narrow-minded dolt is unable to grasp the idea that someone can be capitalist AND a jello wrestler. Screw 'em.

[Matthew]

When I started my blog I had no idea people I never met would be reading me. So, after the kids were born and the blog took off, we did a name change for them. I also do not write about work - except for once a year when I ask people for money - because I don't want that aggravation.

Finally, my biggest editor is my wife. I have had to take a couple of posts down so now I ask myself, WWMWD? If it passes the wife test then it goes on the blog.

[Darren]

I'm pretty out in the open too...even my last name is incredibly easy to find. I've thought about becoming more anonymous, but I've still got names, faces, general location all in the blog...all but addresses and phone numbers. So, yes, I limit what I write too; but it feels more honest that way.

[Holmes]

When I first started blogging, I put absolutely no thought into whether or not to hide my identity. I just started writing openly. Early on, I said a lot of things about my work that I wouldn't dare write now, just not thinking that, duh, it's the internet, anybody can find it and read it. It just never occurred to me to be anonymous. Hell, the title of my blog gives me away. I suppose it would be freeing to be anonymous, but if I ever find that I have something I just HAVE TO say or else my head will explode that I don't feel like I can say on my blog, I guess I'd just start another one from scratch.

[LOD]

If I am discovered, I shall be laid off. I think that's ironic.

[misfithausfrau]

I share your same feelings. While my girls' names and photos have been on my site, my name has not. Despite that, 75% of the 10 people who read my site are my friends--which is what I wanted. I do, however, edit myself a lot and "don't go there" with topics that are meaning ful to me.

The real bummer happened last week when my sister found my blog. I had kept it from my family.

[mr. big dubya]

Most of my family has no idea I blog - I like that because it allows me to be passive/aggressive with regard to things they do that annoy the piss out of me.

I only talk about work in a good light - I like my job and my employer too much to say anything bad.

There will, however, be a bit of a conundrum this weekend at Kara's condo for our pre-game. Two friends we have invited don't know about this blogging thing I've got going, but everyone at the party will be a blogger and we'll be getting blogger keychains/bottle openers (thanks Sara) - I'm thinking I'm not gonna be able to hide it much longer:

"Hey, this is my buddy CroutonBoy and his wife Oodgie. And this is Spicy Elf. Oh, and this is Cape Buffalo."

[MetroDad]

My family doesn't know about my blog. Some of my friends do. I'm not sure about people at work. Either way, I wish I were a little more anonymous.

[L.A. Daddy]

I've actually been debating about starting another blog where I can let out "Angry L.A. Daddy" but I don't. Mostly because I don't know if it will help me or make things worse...

[Kara]

Um, at our house this weekend, if anyone I work with asks you, we met through Warren. Which is, technically, the truth.

I censor myself now more than ever. Blogging for me, in the beginning, was like singing my heart out (into my hairbrush) to Air Supply in my undies, in my bedroom, all alone... until one day, I realized that I forgot to close the window and pull the blinds and now everyone knows what I look like in my underwear. And worse than that, people know I know all the words to Air Supply songs.

My employer is pretty conservative and the last thing on earth I need is certain people there discovering what I write even though I never discuss work in anything short of glowing terms.

[mrs t]

I'm fairly open about my identity. I have been more selective about who I share my URL with, however, because having too many people that I know read my blog really would limit me in terms of content. I too want to spare people's feelings and avoid writing about certain things. I try not to reveal too much about my students- out of respect for them, and also fear of being Dooced.
I go back and forth with wanting to be more anonymous and more open. I don't seem to be satisfied with the half assed position I've placed myself in.

[landismom]

Other than my dh and my kids, no one that I know IRL knows about my blog (except, of course, the people I've now met IRL through blogging. I'm never quite sure how to categorize them.)

[the weirdgirl]

I feel like I'm getting a little more outed every day (especially coming back from Blogher) and that has good and bad aspects. I have not told my family I blog because I reserve the right to bitch about them. Though that may change soon as some of my IRL friends have bigger mouths than me.

I also don't air my dirty laundry. If I have a fight with Keen, it doesn't go on the blog. He reads me everyday and that's just fighting dirty. Same with other private stuff, family based or otherwise. Some of it is simply no else's business but my own. I know there are some blog camps that think you should talk about everything - not just for you but so that other people with the same issues don't feel alone, and it's a great big supporting online hug, and yadda yadda yadda... but I'm still keeping some shit private.

[p-man]

At the beginning of my blog-life I wanted to make sure I remained anonymous, that is, the connection between me and Mo's blog would remain hidden. I have succeeded in this aim. Having a blog which next to no-one reads has definitely helped.

[Mitch McDad]

Interesting topic. I'm very likely going to be outed soon (long story) and I'm already censoring what I write.

As of now, only a handful of people that I know are aware of my blog and in the face of losing my anonymity, I'm definitely conflicted.

I may have to start a new one.

[keersten]

I am obviously trying to put off some work tonight (which you can tell by how far back I am combing through your blog.) I don't comment too often because it seems a little weird that I love your blog and don't know you; but I laughed when I saw this. I have actually thought about finding a more anonymous outlet for sharing some excellent stories that would be too hurtful or embarrassing to share on my own blog. Just wanted to let you know that I feel you (or some less weird phrase.) Thanks for the entertainment.:-)