How Much Time Do You Give Me?

I wore a white shirt today.  I'm tempting the fates.  The surest predictor of whether I will spill food on myself is whether I'm wearing a white shirt or not, with coefficient of determination approaching +0.985.  It's almost guaranteed that at some point today, some object--perhaps a ketchup-covered freedom fry, or a meatball--will slip it's bonds and cascade down the front of my shirt.  In slow motion, no doubt.

There's nothing I enjoy more than walking around with a stain the size of Delaware on my chest, framed by the crisp whiteness of a brushed-cotton shirt.  But to make this fair, I'm taking bets on both the timing of this spillage, and the object(s) which will cause it.  Some possible examples I foresee:

• A piece of toast, butter-side down
• The blood of a slain wildebeast
• A hand-sized leaf of lettuce, soaked in French dressing
• Coffee, dripping from my "sealed" thermal mug
• Memphis-style barbecue ribs
• Paint-balls
• Ketchup from a burst packet fired by the bullies at the table across from me in the cafeteria
• Transmission oil
• Beef lentil soup

And that's all likely before noon.  Anyway, the person who can guess both the substance and closest timing will get perpetual mocking rights of yours truly, as well as an expired gift certificate to Chili's.  I'll report back later...I don't expect this to take take long.

UPDATE:  It's 3:43, and aside from a splash of dressing on my sleeve (I was trying to open one of those child-proof containers) I've been stain free.  I've managed to eat and drink things that only clear or white, just in case.  The day isn't over yet, and I've got a buffalo wing craving, so I'm hardly out of the woods...

UPDATED UPDATE:  The correct answer was chili nachos at 5:45.  Brushed my sleeve in it, then spilled a bean near the base of the shirt.  You all lose, although I may give a bonus point for "chutney"

Comments

[chelsyliz]

well...being of the mildly slovenly type (i wear 98% of what i eat)i am betting my chili's cert on the coffeee or slain wild beast sir, since i already soaked my pressed shirt with both since i got to my office! i, however, accept my predisposition and buy only dark shirts to avoid delaware or any other state resembling stains giving away my sloppy-secret!

[Hud]

Coffee from the mug by 10:38 a.m. AND a piece of lettuce with "freedom dressing" -- we must be consistent, musn't we? -- by 1:52 p.m.

[Jason]

I'm gonna go out on a limb, and say either hoisin sauce or some sort of chutney.

[Kemp]

I'm gonna have to go with the coffee at 10:45 CST.

Why? Because it actually happened to me this morning. My 'travel' mug decided to not act so 'travely' and I have a nice coffee-stained dribble mark on my nicely pressed white shirt and 'gop' tie.

[Marcus]

I have to go with the ketchup. I would say mustard if you actually liked the stuff.

[CroutonBoy]

UPDATE: It's 12:14, and all is good so far. Some crumbs from part of a stale bagel ricocheted off earlier, but the travel mug seems to have held up for once. I'm off to lunch...wish me luck!

[TheOtherC.Weber]

i'm going to have to with the classic ketchup stain. one way or another it's almost garunteed, but for saftey's sake i'm going to add musterd to my guess.

[Kristie]

Isnt it amazing that every other day of your life you can eat or drink like an adult, without wearing most of it, EXCEPT on the day you choose to wear white. Its like a RULE that you must f*** up your outfit in a HUGE way by dropping something very bright and large to stain yourself. And if you yourself manage to avoid ruining the clothes, rest assured, your child will find a way to do it for you. Arent they sweet? :)